She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
