im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
