In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
