everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish you could order shots online.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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