everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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