Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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