I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
