just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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