Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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