You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
