Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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