miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
