She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I did not marry a roomba.
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