I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
