All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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