We won't sleep together?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
