if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
