Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
