Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
