Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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