btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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