Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
