He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
