bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
