surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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