You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
