Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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