Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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