if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
