8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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