we have officially lost it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
