Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
should my penis look like a turkey
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
