the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
