Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
