Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize