I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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