Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
