after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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