You're so nebulous sometimes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
