@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
