I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think my nap took me to another dimension
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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