why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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