I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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