New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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