and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
