i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
