I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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