sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
