I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
