why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
jump out the window naked night went bad
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
