Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
