so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
