Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
