I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
