I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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