i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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