I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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