Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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