i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
