By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
