chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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