if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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