I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize