Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
