community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize