I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I party with great urgency now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
