All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
