He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize