i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
