We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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