Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
