I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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