You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
