end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
