Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
