I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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