I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
