oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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