I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
