if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
