Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
