sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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