i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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