Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
