jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
