whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's blow job season.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
