Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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