There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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